I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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