they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
