Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
