he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
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Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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