Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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