They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
