Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
