dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
