I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
