Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
