taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
