Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
