I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
