My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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