wat bout pragnant strippers??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
