Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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