At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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