If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
