I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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