As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
