I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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