Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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