I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We are all done wearing pants today
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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