Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
this will be a night to untag.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
