i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he thought i was a dude.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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