'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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