My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize