are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The uberlube is also flammable
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
