i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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