We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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