dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
