My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
