Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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