I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
