also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
