so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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