he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
