$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
