saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
