I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
