i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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