If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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