I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
