I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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