I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am available for nakedness
Randomize