Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I died a long time ago.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I understand Curling. That high.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
