I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm eating all of the evidence.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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