Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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