remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
