can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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