he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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