....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
