First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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