You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
two words: eviction party
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
