Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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