So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
