Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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