I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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