In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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