I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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