If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
