i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize