I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just pee around me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
