Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
