ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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