My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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